I'm convinced that Jose Baez is a legal witch, tapped into the dark magic that exists in this world.

The only conspiracy theory I wholly believe and that I personally created is that Baez convinced Aaron Hernandez to unalive himself.

  • There was a loophole in Massachusetts law that would have allowed his GF and daughter to keep his signing bonus money if he died before his appeal was heard.
  • The legislature held an emergency session and retroactively closed it, but it wasn't something that would normally happen.

In general, Baez be like, "If you got the bread, I'm ready to arrive with my spell book and staff to exonerate you from whatever horrible thing you have definitely done."