entertainment

Regulate synopses

Warren G's song "Regulate" has inspired a couple of epic summaries.

First, this is from Wikipedia:

Warren G is driving alone through Eastside, Long Beach, California at night, looking for women. He finds a group of men playing dice and tries to join them, but they pull out their guns and rob him instead. Thinking he's about to die, Warren G sings out, "if I had wings I would fly"; one critic describes this moment as "the hook" of the song.

Meanwhile, Nate Dogg is looking for Warren G. He passes a car full of women, who are so fixated on him that they crash their car. He finds Warren G and shoots at the robbers, dispersing them. The two friends then return to the women and ride away with them, with the intent of taking them to the "Eastside motel".

In the third verse, Warren and Nate explain their G-funk musical style; the song "constructs itself as inaugurating a new era"


Next, Sean Keane wrote my favorite rap synopsis ever:

The toughness and unstoppability of 213 also appears to be purely a function of Nate Dogg's badness and/or motherfuckerness. Saying that 213 is difficult to step to is sort of like saying that Barry Bonds and Benito Santiago combined to hit 62 home runs last year: it's true, but somewhat deceptive. Both Dogg and Bonds would be intimidating regardless of their partners. Dogg may as well say "Nate Dogg and Sean Keane have to regulate;" at least I've still got my watch.

A moral defense of Chidi's swoleness

A moral defense of Chidi's swoleness:

As character, however, does Chidi’s clearly obsessive working out make sense? In other words, is it ethical to be that jacked? We examine the moral implications of obsessive working out through the lens of the three dominant philosophies Chidi himself mentions in the episode as ways to be good.

I love essays that take pop culture and talk about it in a high-minded way.

Vanessa from the Bachelor: Canada's Foremost Thespian

I am very angry about Vanessa deceiving us while stealing our hearts. Time for some Vanessa Facts.

  • She got a present from a kid's mom at the end the year. Refused, saying she was just researching a role.

  • After crying at her dad's funeral, yelled I told you those acting lessons would pay off, old man! at the casket.

  • This Canadian accent is in preparation for the indie movie she's filming next.

  • Is he going to meet Vanessa's real family, or does she have casting calls going on as we speak?

  • Vanessa's production assistant is currently trying to find a caterer who serves poutine.

  • Eddie Murphy is playing 3 of the people at the dinner table in Vanessa's house.

  • They had to let little Emile go as Student #3 because he couldn't remember his lines.

  • Her students are vying for a group Emmy as best ensemble cast.

  • Vanessa had the students limit their dialogue so she didn't have to pay too many people for speaking roles.

  • Ryan Gosling is working for scale as her troubled younger brother.

  • In a casting twist, John Travolta will reprise his role from 'Hairspray' and play Vanessa's shut in mom.

  • Vanessa's last breakup happened when she was working on the reboot of "Not My Daughter".

  • Vanessa and her "aunt" met on the set of a Tim Horton's commercial.

  • Nick needs to pull some strings with the Home Minister to get his immigrant visa expedited.

  • The script doctor was told to punch up the introduction of the conflict for the dumb American viewers.

  • Vanessa got her acting coach the role of "Dad" as a favor.

  • He practiced this look of wariness in his supporting role in "The Pierre Trudeau Story".

  • He practiced this interrogation in his role as a renegade fur trapper in a 1976 CBC TV movie.

  • He's auditioning as Wilfrid Laurier in a play to get that long coveted Genie award.

  • Vanessa watched Anne Hathaway's death scene from Les Mis to prepare for this scene.

  • I wonder how many of the actors in these courtroom scenes are repped by Vanessa's agent? 
    

Sci Fi

I was thinking of watching the movie where Common falls in love with Queen Latifah, but I'm not really in the mood for science fiction.

Gigolos get lonely too

I heard this song on the school bus in 7th grade. Repeat, an adult driving a school bus full of children thought it was a good idea to play this song to children.

Rap disses

Kendrick Lamar's verse on "Control" has sparked a controversy in the hip hop world. After going down a rabbit hole, I found this awesome article about the stories behind 50 rap beefs. I will present the highlights without comment, because they need no embellishment.

Nicki Minaj "Roman's Revenge" (2010)

Target: Lil Kim

“… the track left the once-legendary Kim grasping for straws and desperately lying about mixtape sales on Paypal.”

Kurupt "Callin' Out Names" (1999)

Target: Ja Rule, Belly, The Firm, Foxy Brown, Irv Gotti, Murder Inc., DMX

This track played out more like a drunken tirade and could be best remembered as the first time a rapper dissed a movie cast ("Fuck Belly").

Noreaga "Halfway Thug Pt. 2" (1998)

Target: Tragedy Khadafi

“… accused Trag of being a 37-year-old ham-eating Muslim…”

50 Cent "Piggy Bank" (2005)

Target: Nas, Jadakiss, Mobb Deep, Ja Rule, Kelis, Shyne, Fat Joe, Lil Kim

“but does score points for depicting Nas as "Captain Save Em" chasing down the Kelis "Milkshake" truck”

U.N.L.V. "Drag Em In The River" (1996)

Target: Big Boy Records, Mystikal

“… a scorching N.O. anthem that poked fun at Mystikal's braids and his past as a high school cheerleader..”

MC Eiht "Def Wish" (1991-1996)

Target: DJ Quik (I-IV)

“… paints Quik as a goofy, perm-wearing, clucker in a Khaki bikini.”

Jadakiss "Checkmate" (2005)

Target: 50 Cent

“The track was filled with quotables, with Kiss alluding to 50 being a snitch, having the weakest flow in G-Unit, and asks what's so cool about being shot nine times and not shooting back.”

Royce Da 5'9" "Malcolm X" (2003)

Target: D12

This hilarious yet vicious track poked fun at each and every member of the Dirty Dozen, picking apart Bizarre for being fat and stuttering and predicting members would be raking 50 Cent's leaves in the near future.

T.I. "99 Problems (Lil Flip Ain't One)" (2004)

Target: Lil Flip

Once free, T.I. went on a Lil Flip slander campaign, claiming it was game over for Flip, who was nothing but a studio gangster who lived in the suburbs and wore Leprechaun outfits (which Flip famously donned on the cover of his The Leprechaun album). The beef was eventually squashed, but not before the two came to fisticuffs in Flip's Houston neighborhood of Cloverland, where T.I. was visiting with a camera crew to expose Flip as a fraud.

Cam'Ron f/ Jim Jones "Hate Me Now" (2002)

Target: Nas

Lines were crossed, low-blows were thrown and Jim Jones introduced the amazing term, "Kufi Slapper."

Jay-Z "Super Ugly" (2001)

Target: Carmen, Nas

However, a closer inspection reveals a ruthless and remorseless diss, in which Jay brags about sexing Nas' baby-mother, Carmen Bryan, and leaving condoms on his daughter Destiny's car seat, that even had Hov's Mom insisted he issue a public apology to Nas and family to which Jay obliged.

LL Cool J "To Da Break Of Dawn" (1990)

Target: Ice T, MC Hammer, Kool Moe Dee

Dedicating one verse to each foe, LL mocked Kool Moe Dee for wearing "Star Trek shades," called MC Hammer a gym teacher, and clowned Ice-T for being a parking-lot employee with a perm.

Nas "Ether" (2001)

Target: Jay-Z

“…calling Jay-Z a camel…”

Jay-Z "Takeover" (2001)

Target: Prodigy, Nas

Prodigy of Mobb Deep was dissed on the second verse, but this was dramatically overshadowed by Jay's beef with Nas. Hov's shots at P focused on his small stature, smaller record sales, and the infamous "ballerina" pic he flashed on the screen at Summer Jam 2001.

The Nas portion was far more brutal, attacking Nas' descent from hip-hop's top MC list to a guy who was now being out-rapped on posse cuts by his bodyguard. Jay went on to clown Nas' catalog, and on the final line alluded to sexing Nas' baby-mother, Carmen Bryan.

The Life of 2Pac

This is an awesome in-depth look into Tupac Shakur's life:

He always thought he was going to die young, and his paranoid (but very real) mindset obviously is a factor on how much he recorded.

His music developed a very paranoid tone. In July of 1996 a home movie was shot of Tupac in the studio, and his paranoia was on its way to its highest point. "We don't have the time or the luxury to spend all this time on one track. We Don't!" Tupac said frantically, his arms waving around as the orange glow of his cigarette followed.

He wasn't wrong, two months later he would be dead.

Gloria Cox, one of his first managers said that he sad/happy on his 21st birthday, because he made it to 21, and never thought he would. She begged him to stop thinking like that as it was like "death was his twin".

Tupac was fucked from the begging though. He had too many enemies and came from too much of a volatile political family. He spent most of his childhood on the run from the FBI as they where tracking his step father Mutulu Shakur who was on the ten most wanted list for domestic terrorism. His own mother, spent time in prison on a trial for plotting to blow up New York police departments with the infamous panther 21. His God father was geronimo pratt who was targeted by the FBI illegal Cointelpro. And his god mother is Assata Shakur who is also wanted for domestic terrorism, that Tupacs step-dad broke her out of prison and is now living in Cuba. Bush in 2003 put a $1 million reward on her head during the revival of targeting domestic terrorists at the start of the war on terror. In 2011, Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly had an argument over her, as Obama invited an artist to the white house who supported Assata Shakur. Fox was trying to make that out that by default the president supports her too. Tupac comes from a very serious committed family, and as a teenager he was the national chairman of the new african panthers, so he was on route to be the next leader of the movement.

Lets look at Tupacs life.

Spent his childhood running from the FBI due to the actions of the Shakurs.

At 16 became the youngest national Chairman of the New African panthers, himself then getting FBI attention. His FBI file, only 104 pages out of 4000 are released to the public, the rest 3896 pages are censored for "National Security".

Quit the New African Panthers when he believed the Nation of Islam infiltrated it, the next leader after Shakur was surprise surprise, a member of the NOI.

Got into a constant war of words with the Nation of Islam throughout his rap career. They would follow him everywhere, trying to make it look like they where associated with him. To get his approval, because he was a Shakur. Tupac hated the Nation of Islam because his family where connected to Malcolm X, and his family blame the Nation for his assassination.

Became famous to the general public when released 2pacalyspe now, becoming the legendary rapper. Immediately denounced by the Vice President Dan Quayle due to its anti-american political content. It was obvious they knew who he was by his second name, even if the average rap fan didn't.

Gets mentioned by name at the Republican Nation Convention

From the help of Mutulu Shakur from prison, starts a movement entitled "Thug Life". Tupac helps enforce truces between rival gangs, including the bloods and the crips under "Thug Life". The plan was to get them to stop killing each other, unite, police their communities, and eventually fight the government. He was seducing gang bangers and trying to turn them into soldiers. After that his life turns to shit and seems to be getting arrested and targeted by police on a weekly basis, most of which is was baseless, but people only remember him getting arrested, not acquitted. His "out of control" image increases.

Two Police officers are beating a black motorist. Tupac approaches them and they fire shots at him. Tupac goes back to his car and gets his gun and returns fire, hitting both officers, one in the thigh and one in the buttocks. The charges are dropped against Tupac when it turns out both officers are intoxicated, and the gun they used to fire against Tupac was stolen from an evidence locker. Everyone else just remembers "Tupac shot two cops".

From the help of Dan Quayle and other Republicans, they persuade family members of slain cops to sue Tupac over his music, stating that his music causes the violence. Seriously, here is even a court video of one of the cases against him in 1995

The republicans convince Time Warner to drop interscope records due to Tupac being one of their artists.

Two criminals, Haitian Jack and James "Henchman" Rosemand try to extort Tupac. He tells them to fuck off and ends up on their hit list. Both later turn out to be working for the FBI since the late 80s until the late 90s.

Haitian Jack (The FBI Agent) introduces Tupac to a woman, the same woman accuses Tupac of rape and sexual assault.

Tupac gets shot by the orders of James Rosemand (another FBI Agent) 5 times in 1994, survives.

Goes to prison for sexual assault, but found innocent of rape. Released after 11 months when new evidence helping prove his innocence is found. The prosecution states they "lost it" and it was not deliberate.

The Jewish Defense League (JDL) threaten to kill Tupac due to his familys politics. He tells them to fuck off. This is in Tupacs (released) FBI files.

Tupac refuses to remain silent about Jimmy Henchman and Haitian Jack, announces them as FBI informers, and publicly humiliates any other rappers being extorted by them, or associated with them (Biggie, Puffy, etc).

The causes many eastcoast rappers and street gangsters to dislike Tupac.

Just some of the main frictions in his life, only scratching the surface. Between Political Parties, Terrorist groups, gangsters, FBI, police officers, gang bangers, Tupac had a lot of enemies.

Dare I say it, he was born to die. And he knew it.