NCAA Picks 2017

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Alright people, I don't think I should keep you from riches. As I said, if you win, donate at least 25% of your winnings to an organization that will help immigrants or help advocate against the Republican health care plan

1st Round
Villanova
Wisconsin
Virginia
Florida
SMU
Baylor
Marquette
Duke
Gonzaga
Vandy
Notre Dame
West Virginia
Maryland
FSU
St. Mary's
Arizona
KU
Miami
Iowa St.
Purdue
Creighton
Oregon
Oklahoma State
Louisville
UNC
Arkansas
Minnesota
Butler
Cincy
UCLA
Wichita State
Kentucky

Sweet 16

Villanova
Virginia
Baylor
Duke
Gonzaga
West Virginia
FSU
Arizona
KU
Purdue
Oregon
Louisville
UNC
Butler
UCLA
Kentucky

Elite 8

Villanova
Duke
Gonzaga
West Virginia
KU
Louisville
UNC
Kentucky

Final 4

Villanova
Gonzaga
Louisville
UNC

Final Game

Gonzaga
Louisville

Winner
Louisville

Keep in mind that this strategy is optimal for pools of up to 20 entries. Winning in a bigger pool than that is mostly luck.

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Ted Cruz's College Days

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Ted Cruz is a very odd duck. I don't think I've run across someone so universally disliked, yet so successful at getting into positions of power.

Here's What Happens When You Try and Track Down a Ted Cruz College Rumor: Ted decided to call a woman's mother a whore. The rest of this article is like watching a car wreck in the slowest of motions.

Craig Mazin: This gentleman had the misfortune of being Cruz's roommate in college. He is not a fan.
* Here's an intro to the highlights from Mazin's Twitter feed.
* Here's another post showing the highlights of Mazin's Twitter feed.
* Mazin's Twitter feed is a treasure trove of Cruz related facts. Mazin also engages the right wing trolls who lionize Cruz.

Laura Calaway was Ted Cruz's debate teammate in high school. she beat him once. Ted wasn't pleased.

A psychologist went into detail as to why Ted Cruz has such a punchable face.

Everyone who has come across Ted Cruz comes to hate him with a passion usually reserved for child murderers or serial rapists. Here's another page showing Ted hating quotes.

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San Francisco

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There are two options I see that we can implement to make living in SF attainable for the common person:

1. Demolish all residential buildings fewer than 100 stories tall and replace them with 100 story buildings. SF is nowhere to be seen on the list of the world's most densely populated cities. That has to change.

Or

2. Immediately began reclaiming land from the Pacific Ocean, until every man, woman and child who wants to live within the SF city limits is able to do so for the same price it would cost to rent an equivalent space in Topeka. I'm sure Tokyo and Honolulu won't like becoming SF suburbs, but you have to break eggs to make an omelette.

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Introducing Bureaucracy Into Marriage

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I have come up with an idea that will revolutionize marriage and all other romantic or cohabitation based relationships.

If one partner makes a special request of the other, they should utilize a workflow system that requires the submission of a “ticket” or work request. The system would help ensure that everyone is on the same page as far as what needs to be done and there would be estimated time frames for the completion of each task.

There would of course be a system to expedite urgent requests which would involve payment (the particular currency or set of sexual favors would be dictated by the scope and time for task completion). This market based solution will deter tasks merely masquerading as urgent from being treated as such.

Failure to complete tickets on time would lead to escalating penalties for the offending party, like having to go furniture shopping or being forced to watch football for nine hours every Sunday.

I am confident that given a chance, this type of system could lead to a lot less friction between people living together and/or involved romantically. It’s a win-win-win-win. The extra two wins are for your families and the world, who will be happier as a result of less fighting and tension.

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How Squints From "The Sandlot" Caused The Dumbening Of America

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I have determined that the dumbening of America can be directly attributed to the movie “The Sandlot”.

In the movie, there is a scene where a nerd named Squints fakes drowning. When hot lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn begins performing CPR on Squints, he unexpectedly kisses her. She is horrified and kicks Squints and his friends out of the pool.

After the movie was released, all the hot lifeguards said, “That’s not going to be me!” So, in an effort to avoid being “Sandlotted”, the hot lifeguards let drowning nerds die instead of attempting mouth to mouth.

From the time the movie was released until it left our national consciousness (estimated at 2002), countless future scientists, engineers and doctors perished in the public pools dotting this great land.

Because of Squints, we now have Sarah Palin and Louie Gohmert in positions of power.

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The Tea Party Gets Its Just Desserts

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At my old job, I’d talk to Tea Party idiots all the time. Since we had to take calls from people if they followed up on stuff, I was able to see the deterioration of their lives in a very concrete way.

Call 1: Obama is the worst and everyone besides me is leeching off the system! Why do I have to pay so much in taxes!
Call 2: I just lost my job. Does my employer have to keep giving me health insurance?
Call 3: I’m about to lose my house. Aren’t there any government programs that can help me?

Few things brought me more joy than seeing these people stuck in a world where their situation was at direct odds with their Tea Party views.

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Police

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Think of the guys on the football team in high school who were on the team, were not very good, but still walked around like they owned the school. These are the guys who go on to comprise the majority of the police officers, prison guards and other law enforcement.

Being surprised when guys who were real life Billy Zabka characters don’t act with basic human compassion is like being surprised that a gun kills someone when you shoot it at them.

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